Minimal Lifestyle.

Hello there! Today I want to address a question that always comes up to many of us… it is: How can we fight the materialistic desire ?

On the day I run my first ever online event about minimalism, one of the participating lady popped a question:

“Can you tell me how minimalist people get rid of temptation to buy things?”

Later she added, sounded rather frustrated and desperate she said: “Please understand that we constantly see ads, information of trend… I afraid to miss out of things. I feel I have enough money to buy them, so there are no reason to stop me…”

I felt her frustration, and I think it is valid concern. We all are exposed to overwhelming amount of information through social media, flyers, shop windows, products sales promotion letters through emails… we are bombarded with messages, all day everyday! Another participant offered to provide suggestion, and said “well, you need to know what exactly is things you really need! …Minimalism helps me to understand who am I, and what is suitable for me…” I feel that is a spot on response to the question. However It might be hard for the ear for the lady who asked the question. I think no body likes to be pointed out that “you do not know what you want…you have not sort out who you are” or rather harshly, “where is your self awareness and judgement?” Like she said, budget is not an issue for her. However, she came to attend my seminar about decluttering. Clearly she is feeling the need to break her material gaining habit. All I could do that day was showing appreciation for her to open up her vulnerability and offered some personal methods of building self-control of impulsive shopping.

I could not forget this conversation, and was thinking about how can I best support such emotional vulnerability. Because… I do understand! (The lady’s desperate tone, asking me to “Understand” left in my system) I used to, and still likes to shop and feel the pleasure when I obtain a new objects. It is just that I have better control and have healthier attitude toward shopping now.

We may need to address the “WHY”, and dig deep into what exactly is causing the problem.

It is the sense of lacking, and tendency to compare oneself to others.

Let’s go back to think about all the roots of our temptation…

No body is perfect. We all want to feel worthy, pretty, admirable, and let others to believe we are successful, happy… and it is those desire attracts the information to jump into our eyes with products that seems to fix our problems. All the ads are not only introducing the products’ functions anymore. By indirect ways, these messages are creating the impression that by having those products, we will have better life! For example, there are so many beauty ads promote skincare products. Why? Because there are so many people want to feel pretty… worthy of their partner or someone they admire to pay attention on them.

Or, maybe its the social pressure of keeping up! “If you have this machine, your skin will look nice… this celebrity have and look at her skin! Now everyone are following the lead… aren’t you yet?” Other example that I see often recently is social media ads about “side hustle coaching and course”. Why we see them so often now? It is because more people are desiring to feel fulfilled through better work-life balance, and make use of their life times with things that matters to them. For people actually do benefit from these information, it is a great opportunity. However, for those actually not needing these resources its nuisances and even stir up anxiety of “am I not doing enough for my life?” “Should I invest my time in learning some course so people don’t think I’m lazy?”

There is nothing wrong in wanting, researching and obtaining things intentionally. If I need a new pair of shoes…I enjoy spending time to try them on in different stores, compare them according to several elements and finally make decision to buy them. Shopping can be fun and meaningful. But why is that so many of us attach this recreational activity with negative emotion…such as guilt and shame? It is one of the joy in life! How can we get that back?

I would like to give you some examples of some products that I personally was tempted to get, and end up not buying. …so you might have som perspective how did I resist against the temptation. However please note that I am not condemning those who have these items I listed bellow. It is just that I personally found they will not only benefiting me, but also potentially will become a burden for me just because of my lifestyle…

• Fitbit (started to exercise more, and wanted to track progress and boost motivation.) 
  • Found that I am not keen to have another piece of digital device that I can not fully make use of, and do not need constant stimulation ready on the wrist.
• Facial steamer (my face was feeling drier. I felt as age progress, it is justified to care and put more effort in moisturise my skin.
  • Realising that surly I would not have the patience, space to deal with another piece of machine in my bathroom.
• Hair removal scrub, or at home laser machine (once thought it is a good idea to be smooth everywhere, get rid of burden of shaving)
  • found that I would not make a habit to use them. I feel my hair is manageable amount to deal with in daily hygiene routine.

I did also typed keywords such as “skin care, moisturising”, “best Fitbit 2023”, “effective and affordable hair removal” and ect in search engine. Since then, it felt like those technologies and media’s smelled my insecurity and vulnerability regarding on my self image and bombarded me with more products. I was also invested to compare different range of options! But later I was able to calm down and realise that… I can just exercise regularly and feel the progress myself, and have a better and consistent skincare routine, healthy diet and sleep. In some years earlier, I would definitely not be able to control myself. Through practicing downsizing materialistic possession, I became to realise that most of problems needed to be fixed internally , not from outside material gain.

When we understand the mechanism of marketing, we realise that we are pushed toward to believe “we are not enough”. It’s hard feeling and we like to balance that out by saying “it’s not me, it’s just because I don’t have this product” …so we would like to believe that all the blame is “It’s lack of a physical thing!” And this leads to our compulsive shopping that is actually the effort of detaching yourself from that vulnerability. 

When we declutter, it does not only greatly impact on physical, but it also mental state. When you face each object, you are making decision about “is it me anymore?” “Will I need it later?” As you repeat, your question became to picture bigger image… “do I want to invest my time to deal with this? What is my life’s priority?” Life is full of decision. When we also let objects have that power to overpower you, how can you make important decision about your life? 

So come to conclusion…we can keep those in mind for dealing with temptation of shopping and social media ads:

• You started to cared little bit, and consumerism are framing you to obsess over those products until you buy them. 
• Put focus back to you. Centering the question “why?” and “what actually was the initiation of desire?” , Is there other more practical solution? 
• Our effort in obtaining and maintenance materials are often for impressing others. We spend so much energy in making others to believe we are happy, rather than doing the work to actually make ourselves to be happy.

So the other participants who tried to offer suggestion to the lady had a great point. Decluttering will polish your sense of judgment what you actually need. It is just that if we are aware of our behaviour pattern, the cause of it and the economical environment we are in…we will have clearer understanding of the situation and be able to be kinder to ourself. It is easy to put blame on something, and so hard when we are stuck with shame and not knowing how to get your self out of it. We are human, and we lead a life that involves with countless amount of materials! We are just realising that we need more healthier relationship with things. It takes time to build that, and everyone can be taught with the skill to simplify our possessions.